


The 10th September was when magic filled their hands

by x3_NaWnOmSchnuff



Category: Pandora Hearts, ヴァ二タスの手記 - 望月淳 | The Case Study of Vanitas - Mochizuki Jun
Genre: 1 domijeanne smut, 2 vanoé smuts, Angst, Crossover, Fluff, Harry Potter AU, Multi, One-Sided Love, Romance, Smut, also action, and some sort of crime story, carry on au, everyone is lgbt+ somehow, marriage and babies, mentions of child abuse, trans!Olivier, trans!Vanitas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-14 08:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14766486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x3_NaWnOmSchnuff/pseuds/x3_NaWnOmSchnuff
Summary: Noé Archiviste finally attends Hogwarts, but the death of his best friend clouds his happiness. What he doesn't know yet is that Louis' death is connected to his family.His roommate, Vanitas, is sneaking around the school most of the time, trying to avoid Noé and he just won't open up - until he, no, she breaks down right in front of him.And however it happened, Grandpa de Sade is the head teacher and lots of things go terribly wrong.





	1. Year one

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome, I have to type this quickly because ao3 already crashed once so this is the second time I'm typing, I won't look through this text here once again.  
> This story was originally german but I've translated about 100/387 pages of this for a friend.  
> I will make sure that you can follow the story! Also there are three points of view, Domi, Vani and Noé.  
> (Noés ass is secretly the main character, btw)  
> Alright, I hope it doesn't crash again, sorry for this crappy welcome, but have fun reading!!!!

(Chapter one, Noé hoping for another Hufflepuff since he is the only one up til now xD, noés pov)

There were only a few people left.  
Four people, to be exact.  
There was a girl, almost white hair was cascading down her back, Gil's blond, creepy brother, a girl... oh, it was a boy with dark, messy hair. He wore a normal pullover, skinny jeans and red chucks.   
He looked... strange to me. I didn't know why. He looked 'wrong'. But nobody else seemed to notice, so I forgot about it right away.  
The last one was a girl, brown hair, a pretty common person I could easily forget about.  
The white-haired girl became a Gryffindor, Vincent a Slytherin and the other girl a Ravenclaw.  
Ok. Three different houses.  
The boy had to be a Hufflepuff.  
He stepped forward.  
The way he walked seemed forced. He tried to walk as if all of this was no big deal, as if he was completely relaxed, but his tightly clenched fists spoke more words than his way of walking.  
He sat down on the chair and put on the hat.  
I sat there, hoping.  
Hufflepuff.  
Please.  
The hat was thinking.  
Please.  
„Hufflepuff!“

(Chapter 2 - Domi's point of view, Louis was beheaded by someone (violent coughing of mine) and everyone is trying to see it and Domi and Noé made their way through, Vani and Jeanne also but Jeanne is barely mentioned. Also I'm using spells from carry on here, so yep.)

Two or three metres from us (how to express this in english) there was the Hufflepuff who'd probably be in a room with Noé.  
He stepped forward throuh the crowd without hesitation. I couldn't see him anymore, my fingers digged themselves into Noé's pullover.  
I wanted to die. The boy came back, his red chucks were almost black of blood, the soles were red.  
He was breathing hard and then he took us into his arms.  
„Don't go forward, ok?“  
My sight went black and I felt sick to the bone. I sank to the ground and Noé and the boy followed.  
Noé took my hand and pressed it.  
I could barely hear what they said.  
It was as if I was there, but at the same time it wasn't.  
„Hey, stay with us“, the boy whispered and slapped me gently onto my cheek (I swear this sentence is so wrong).  
And then all my feelings came back.  
Louis.  
Louis.  
He was dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead.  
„Black hair?“, I tried to say, but I was not sure if anyone understood.  
I could hear myself scream when he nodded.  
I ripped myself away from the two and made my way through the crowd.  
When I finally made it, I sank to the floor once again.  
There he was.  
~ (I don't have the words to describe a beheaded person I think lol xDDD)  
„I've told you not to go forward...“ The boy stroked my hair, gently but it didn't help.  
„Louis...“, I said, but I had the urge to throw up again.  
„Domi... be quiet... you don't n-need to say anything...“  
Noé had never stuttered before.  
I looked to him, he was still looking to Louis' body, the horror was written onto his face (probably also wrong af).  
I tried to reach out to him, but my body didn't work.  
The boy took out a wand and he held it as if he had held it a thousand times before.  
„Hush little baby“, he whispered and I could feel myself calm down immediately. Tears began streaming down my face.  
„Noé, or whatever your name is, look away... look away!“, the black-haired boy told him, but as Noé didn't react, he stood up and walked over to Louis.  
He didn't seem to care about a head lying right in front of him. I sat up and looked away as he screamed a loud 'There's nothing to see here!' and the body immediately vanished.  
The crowd also began to vanish and they stepped away as a blond teacher with glasses (...Oscar) and a teacher with long, red hair (Ruthven xD) walked through them. The white-haired Hufflepuff (Break) began to quietly tell them what happened.  
„Noé...“, the boy whispered and sank down next to Noé.  
Noé began sobbing and broke down and I was able to see the tears running into his hands.  
I was happy that spells worked on me because otherwise I'd also scream like he did.  
And god, did he scream. A lot of people tried to cast spells on him, but nothing worked.  
He was sitting there, crying and sobbing and I could do nothing.

(Noé's point of view, he laying in bed because he's exhausted, he's sharing a room with Vani and Vani is taking the upper bed, how are those beds called?? Bed which are like, one bed and a bed above. )

I opened the cap of the pen and kneeled onto my bed. I wrote the date of yesterday onto the wood.  
10th September, 2010  
„What the hell are you doing? That's the school's bed. You can't just smear onto i-“  
„I'm going to write down every important date. And I will remember every single one.“  
~  
Louis.  
I was missing him so much.  
10th September.  
Some years later, I'd remember that day even more vivid than now.

 

(Domi, lying in Bed, trying to sleep while Maria is holding her)

My name was Dominique de Sade.  
I was eleven years old.  
I lost my brother today.  
I was in love with my best friend.  
And it was going to be like this for some years.

 

Break: Pay attention to your little friend there.  
Noé: Uhm... ok?  
Break: Aren't you two... like siblings?  
Sharon and Break start laughing histerically because of their own love haha

 

[Laurent and Johann handing over the uniforms to Vani and Noé, noés pov]

„So, here you have your uniforms. More than one because they can get dirty, you know?“  
Laurent grinned at Johann and they were looking at each other very strangely.  
„Yeah... always those... special white freckles?“  
„Ok, enough information, thanks“, Vani interrupted them.  
Johann chuckled mysteriously.  
„White freckles? You mean because of a potion?“  
„Yes, Noé... potion...“, answered Vanitas, sarcastically.

 

[they're trying to raise the brooms, domi's point of view]

We stared at ourselves, until Vanitas sighed.  
„Up!“, he shouted.  
Nothing happened. He sighed again.  
I heard another voice screaming 'up'.  
Noé.  
The broom was in his hand. He did it the first time.  
When we had practiced spells with teacher, he hadn't got one spell right.  
And now he just did it, the first time.  
(Some time later when domi an jeanne also got the broom spell right, domi about jeanne, already foreshadowing the pain)  
She seemed to be super shy, but also super nice.  
Maybe we could become friends?  
I smiled at her and she immediately smiled back.  
Some years later, such a smile of mine would destroy her.  
I never meant to destroy anyone.

 

[probably I'll translate whole chapter 10, Vani's point of view]

I let myself fall onto the bed. Noé still was with Dominique, I wouldn't see him in some time.  
Good.  
I needed rest. It was too much, I wasn't used to being together with someone all the time.  
Especially not with a boy the same age as me. It was the worst thing anyone could've done to me.  
Ok, a girl the same age as me was much worse, to be exact, but there were Domi and all the other girls in our class.  
I grabbed the phone in my pocket. It wasn't allowed here in Hogwarts, but with some spells nobody realised that, so hey.  
I dialed the number I knew by heart.  
„Hiiiii! How is it and why do I still have to wait three years?“  
I could feel a grin on my face.  
An honest grin.  
„Good afternoon to you too, shortie. Yep, it's pretty ok here. But my roommate is super annoying. He asks all the time and he doesn't get one spell right. Ok, the broom spell, but nothing more. Where are you right now?“  
„Uh. Better don't ask. In my locked room. I've tried to flee again.“  
„Misha! You are only seven years old! I've told you not to do such a thing! Wait some weeks, then we have holidays and then I'll be there, yeah?“  
He sighed deeply.  
„Yes, brother, I know.“  
Ouch.  
„What's the name of your roommate, by the way?“  
„Noé. I think he and his sister are from France. At the moment they don't feel very good. Their brother died.“  
„Oh“, Misha whispered.  
„But honestly, he's such a dumbass.“  
And suddenly the door was opened and I almost threw my mobile around somewhere, but then I decided to hide it below my legs (Or between? Be honest, Vani. =) )  
„Were you talking about me? Thanks, I know I'm a dumbass, but hey, I also don't like you, so we're touché.“  
Noé was standing in the door, oh shit.  
„With who did you talk?“  
„No one.“  
„Didn't sound like that. Hey, if you have a girlfriend, it doesn't matter.“  
„What? No!“, I screamed, completely confused. What the heck was wrong with him anyway?  
„Oh, c'mon! Tell me! Otherwise, I could just go to the teachers and tell them about your secret mobile!“  
„My brother, it was my brother!“  
Oh god, I hated this guy. I wanted to run away.  
Or I wanted to sleep, but I never fell asleep that easily. I've already felt shitty enough.  
But in the dark I didn't have to look at myself, at least.  
„Oh, you have a brother? Younger or older than you?“  
Seemed as if he lost interest. At least he sounded like it. Maybe it was because if his own brother who he had lost.  
Ok, I really pitied him.  
I didn't answer.  
„Oh, sorry. I forgot, Mister Mysterious, that's none of my business.“  
I forced my smile back onto my face. At least he was right.  
„Exactly.“  
I pulled out my mobile again.  
Misha had only send some laughing emojis. Shortie.  
„Who were the people you talked to during the break? Or is it none of my business too?“  
„Doesn't matter, Leo, a neighbour of mine. And his friend Eliot.“  
He said nothing more and I was so happy about that.  
He didn't need to know more about me. Leo was enough, at least I didn't feel as shitty as normal when I was around him (he adresses Vani right because she told him).  
Why me? And why wasn't there a spell for it?  
I should just invent one by myself.  
And I did.  
But it took almost seven years.

 

[in hogwarts express cuz christmas, domis point of view, sitting in one smol room with noé vani and vince]

Vanitas was sitting next to Vincent who was killing a rabbit plushie.  
One of the rare moments I pitied Noé's roommate.  
Noé, who was leaning against my shoulder began snoring.  
Oh dear.  
Suddenly, a phone began to ring.  
Vanitas picked up, so it must've been his.  
„Hi. We'll be in London in about two hours. Are you waiting for me there?“  
With who did he even talk? He sounded... nice to the person he was talking to.  
He never was that nice. Except when Louis died.  
„Yeah, yeah, calm down. I'll be there soon.“  
The voice coming from his phone was a child's voice, maybe six to ten years old, I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl.  
Did he have a sibling?  
„Wait... no you won't stand around outside for two hours. Go into the building, please.“  
Ok, now Vanitas was shitty again.  
He sighed, desperately.  
„No, nobody will steal you. Go inside- no, I won't stay on the phone, there'll be tunnels and then the connection will be cut off.“  
He gave himself (it still hurts to adress vani as he him but hey I have to until year what? Five???) a facepalm. He was seemingly annoyed.  
Was Louis annoyed because of me and Noé sometimes?  
„No, you won't die if you accidentally throw something around in a flower shop – NO DON'T DO THIS!“  
I burst out into laughter and Noé, who was awake now, too.  
What was wrong with that little child? But I could bet my still slightly green hair (domi and jeanne tried to dye their hair green and alice called them 'the real seaweed heads) that he was nicer than Vanitas.  
„Ok. Calm down. Two hours. Look for something to sit down. Are mom and dad with you? Ok, well, if you're in London, they probably are with you-“  
The next thing I heard was a 'no' and laughter.  
„Mikhail. Don't tell me that you've travelled to London alone. Don't tell me that that's true, please.“  
Mikhail – which seemed to be his name – burst out into even louder laughter now, Vanitas was staring at us, angry. But I liked that little discussion he had.  
„Mikhail, you're the most stupid person alive! Do you have money with you at least?“  
And then Vanitas began smiling. It was a... beautiful smile. He looked different with that expressions.  
„Mikhail, you're so stupid. You know you're not allowed to do his. … not that bad? You're going crazy, that's bad indeed. … That's worth it? Honestly. Idiot.“  
(because their father will just beat them up because of that and yes misha travelled from moscow to london alone)

 

[Noé's point of view, after departing the train he meets misha)

„Aaah, hey“, the boy said, „I'm looking for my brother. He has dark hair, unlike me. But he has blue eyes. And his hair looks shitty. And he's in first grade. And in Hufflepuff. I hope I won't be chosen to go to... Hufflepuff.“  
I understood.  
„Wait, you're Misha, right? And you mean Vani? And don't insult Hufflepuff!“  
He began to grin.  
„So, you're Noé?“  
We shook hands and I had to think of how once, I was as small as him.  
„Vanitas has to be here, somewhere. He wandered off.“  
„Oh, I'm right here, thanks Misha, let's go.“  
He took the younger ones hand, but he just hugged him.

 

[vani laying in bed after holidays with a badly bruised shoulder because of her shitty dad, noé left the room because vani was salty. Also I made another character suffer, vanis pov]

I could feel tears in my eyes once again. It hurt so much that I couldn't even think, but if I tried to cast a spell on it, it would just hurt more.  
I shouldn't cry. I was... a boy. I wasn't allowed to cry. (yes I know stupid cliché but needed)  
Someone knocked.  
„Yes?, I asked, forcing myself to calm down.  
The door was opened.  
It was Break. And again, he was only wearing pink clothes (that's an insider xD).  
„Hi. I wanted to talk to you.“  
He stepped onto Noé's bed with his pink plushy socks.  
„Ok. C'mon, I've got nothing to do anyway.“  
He sighed and looked at me.  
„It's about... kind of... everything. Mostly, about you. You know... I'm not stupid. And I see when someone isn't doing well, even if you're trying to hide it. You're not the only one who has to go through... something like this. You're still worth it. And I hope you know that.“  
I stared at him and I thought that he truly knew it.  
„I don't know, what you mean, so- OUCH!“  
He had hit me on my fucking shoulder, oh god and it hurt so much.  
„I've always said that I stumbled backwards and fell because I accidentally burnt myself. Or when I learned fighting with my sword. I don't think Sharon has ever believed me.“  
I stared at him. What...?  
I felt tears in my eyes once again. I wiped them away.  
„Hey, hey. It's ok to cry, yeah?“  
He carefully stroked my shoulder.  
Was that how a real father would act if his child was crying?

 

[Oz Alice Gil Noé Jeanne and Domi go into Hogwarts at night which definetely isn't allowed. XD and they go into some kind of room / tunnel thing in which it stinks hard, Domi's point of view, also sorry for poor writing but I haven't written serious action scenes sine warrior cats xD]

And suddenly, I heard the sound of steps.  
We looked at each other, my pulse was going quicker.  
Shit.  
„Hey, let's go ba-“, Alice said but it was cut off by something catching her foot. It looked like... a black hand.  
I had the urge to run away but there was Alice and she was fighting against... that thing. Oz walked over to her quickly and the two of them beat that thing.  
Gil und Jeanne seemed to be frozen by fear and for a few moments, it was silent.  
Until I heard Noé's scream.  
Their was also something catching his leg and I grabbed his hand, trying to make him stay here.  
A feeling I couldn't name overwhelmed me and I almost pulled him back fully.  
Almost.  
I could see the fear in his eyes.  
There was another pair of steps.  
„Everte Statum!“ (I have a list of useful carry on and harry potter spells yes.)  
I knew this voice. Noé flew back to us.  
„Expelliarmus!“  
The beast let go of him and he crashed into Gil.  
The man jumped in our direction.  
„Can't touch this!“  
Now I could finally see what was attacking us because I had time, because there was a barrier between us and the beasts.  
They were... black and looked like some kind of mixture of bear and cat and dog.  
They were so ugly that I wanted to throw up.  
„Ah, don't mind them.“  
Now I saw who saved us.  
White hair, a red eye, pink clothes.  
„Break!“  
(later in the chapter break says that one of those dog animals belongs to him and its name is Ernst. Ernst was a running gag around my friends for like, two or three years straight and it's basically that Ernst is a name or it means serious. So if you ask: Im Ernst? You can mean are you serious or are you inside of Ernst xDDD So yes that... oh god xD Also he has a laboratory down the tunnel where he has some of his 'pets' and so on. And he, sharon and vani use it for experiments and research for vani so that she can find out a spell to change her biological gender and he also refers to her as shortie but in the female version and everyone is like wtffff who could it be)

 

[during lesson and Noé is tired and he's super tired because he had panic attacks all night, noés pov]

„Maybe we should ask Break if he knows something about this?“, Domi proposed, but I shook my head.  
„Why would he?“  
I heard a sigh from behind me.  
„My god, it's nothing bad. Panic attacks. Just breath in an out for some time and don't think about it, then it'll leave. Have you guys never even heard of the internet?“  
I turned around. No, my mind hadn't played a trick on me. It was Vanitas who was walking by.  
I stood up and caught up to him. „Hey... Vanitas... thanks, but... why do you know that?“  
He sighed again. „I shouldn't be telling you this, but if I don't, you'll think I have them myself but no, Leo. He didn't have the best childhood someone could have. Like I said. Breath in and out. And forget about Louis. He is dead and he'll stay dead.“  
And suddenly I had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and held him up.  
About one year ago, he was a little taller than me. I caught up to him.  
„Ok. Now listen. I didn't lose Louis, my best friend, my brother because I wanted to, ok?“  
I could feel tears in my eyes.  
„I also didn't choose to have those... panic attacks. But it's ok you know? But you! You just annoy me so much! Don't talk about Louis... like that! Yes, I know he's dead! Yes, I know! But don't talk as if you know everything! You annoy me with that... that thing that you think you know everything and nothing matters to you, at all!“  
I let go of him and just stood there some moments, trying to catch my breath and then I just left the room.

At night, I was awake again.   
I simply had been angry.  
Would I feel like this too if I saw the person who killed Louis?  
I didn't know.

 

[Noé failed ruthven's exam and is in the hospital whatever room because he fell from his broom. The exam was practically the aguamenti spell and make a 20 cm big bubble and Noé s bad at doing spells so he failed, noés pov]

Ok. Now I had to do this.  
I took out my wand with my still healthy arm.  
Ok. If I didn't get it right now, Domi would be disappointed in me. And Vanitas would make fun of me all day.  
I had to do it.  
I held the wand up higher.  
„Aguamenti!“  
It felt as if all the magic inside of me was exploding and the arm in which I held the wand felt as if it was burning.  
I only saw the bubble for a short moment.  
It was huge, almost as big as the room and then I wasn't able to hold it any longer.  
It splashed down on us and for some seconds, we were just sitting there, waiting until it was over.  
When I opened my eyes, I could see that Domi was annoyed, Gil was shocked and Oz, Alice and Jeanne were laughing.  
But Ruthven looked... strange. He looked confused. Or... almost aghast?  
„...you passed.“


	2. Year 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, this is year 2! I hope you like it!

[It's second year and Noé just came back from summer vacation and is in the room now]

He was staring at me with his blue eyes.  
He looked different somehow, but it took me a moment to recognize why.  
„Hey! Your hair is longer! It suits you!“  
He mumbled something, but I couldn't understand it.  
The hair was as long as his shoulders now and it looked... not as messy as before.  
Also he was wearing a pink, tight pullover-  
„Where did you get that pullover from?“  
I couldn't stop my grin.  
„Sharon gave it too me. I grew out of my clothes. Also I gained weight. Break's cooking is just too good. We didn't have the time to go shopping though.“  
To me it sounded as if this wasn't the truth, but it made no sense to me why he would lie.

 

[They're in this big hall because the hat sorting ceremony for the new students]

Someone blew into some kind of flute or whatever, but it was super loud and I turned around immediately.  
What the...?  
I stood up and when I looked over to the Slytherin-table, I saw that Domi also stood up.  
We stared at each other for some moments, completely confused and shoked.  
„Come on, you two. Sit down, please.“  
I sat down and still stared at him.  
Who had made him headteacher? Headteacher of Hogwarts? Yes he sure was a good teacher, but...  
„Hey, what's wrong?“, Johann asked.  
„...That's my grandpa.“

 

[Vani is sitting on the hufflepuff sofa because she is still alone like this and sharon came up to her]

„It's just... awful to know that I... cannot... really... you know... I can even see the difference.“  
„Hey, be positive! Alice is still flat too!“  
„Sharon!“, I screamed. What the hell was wrong with her? She couldn't just... say something like this!  
We broke out into laughter. After some time I felt like crying again.  
„No, but now seriously. We're gonna achieve that! Come on, we have Break and Ernst-“  
„Ernst always wants to destroy the books, Sharon.“  
„No, no. We're gonna do this, I'm sure.“  
~  
„Sharon... can I tell you something?“  
„Of cooouuurse“, she answered and grinned at me.  
„I... um... ah... so, I mean-“  
„Sounds as if you're in love.“  
I almost jumped up and she clearly noticed this and then she began screaming.  
What the fuck. Why did she scream like this, holy damn?  
I could feel my cheeks burning.  
„Aww, come on! Tell me who it is! Or would you prefer if I guessed?“  
I slowly nodded.  
„Noé!“  
If I had been drinking something right now, I would have spat it out.  
„What? What? No, of course not? What?“ (it physhically hurt to write this)  
„Hm... Eliot. I mean, I don't know if he's attractive because he's far too young for me, but...“  
I shook my head, still shocked that she came up with... Noé. Oh god, I hated this guy.  
„Leo!“  
Now I really jumped up and Sharon started squealing again.  
~  
„Hey, why are you always late?“, Eliot complained and looked as if he wanted to jump me, but I knew he wouldn't.  
And then, Leo did the probably worst thing possible.  
He took my arm and pulled me through Hogwarts.  
I felt heat welling up inside of me and my stomach turned upside down and my mind was so clouded it...  
I felt happy.  
Being in love wasn't bad, as long as I could be happy.  
(And it'll fuck u up for years, darling)

 

[I don't know the english names of all the hogwarts stuff, sorry. So it's that lesson where they learn fighting against dark forces and creatures and they're fighting against an Irrwicht (the german name) and if u stand in front of it it turns into your biggest fear, the spell 'riddikulus' makes it ridiculous. XD Domi's point of view I won't translate but Oz is afraid of plushie rabbits and Alice of living vegan xDD]

Noé walked forward too and the Irrwicht (sorry I'm gonna call it like this) sank down to the floor and suddenly there was a person.   
She was laying there, black hair, blood was covering her body and – obviously – she was dead.  
Noé almost let go of his wand, then he grabbed it even harder.  
„I'm not dead, Noé. It's only an Irrwicht!“, I whispered, hoping that he heard it.  
He breathed in. „Riddikulus!“  
It seemed like that was one of the few spells he succeeded at because in the next moment I had awful green hair and the blood turned into apple juice.  
Ok.  
He turned around, looking for something, walked to me and then he hugged me so tightly that he almost broke my ribcage. He was trembling and I carefully hugged him back even though I had sworn to myself that I would not hug him or whatever, but I couldn't let him stand around like that  
„He, everything's alright. I'm here, Noé. I'm here.“  
(shortjump cause that's just a not so interesting conversation about Noé fearing Domi might die)  
„That... thing is doing nothing! Can I go away now?“  
I looked to Vanitas who was standing there. The Irrwicht was standing in front of him but didn't turn into anything.  
I didn't know why I knew that, but it could probably only mean two things.  
The first option was that he had no fears at all, the second was that he had so many fears that it couldn't decide.

 

[after deciding who's gonna take which role in the hufflepuff quidditch team, Arthur (yes, barma, that unimportant dude xD) talking to Noé, Noés point of view]

„Why did he let his hair grow?“, asked Arthur and furrowed his eyebrows, „how is living with him in one room?“  
I stared at him for some time.   
„I don't know why he let it grow, but I think it suits him well. And I don't know, he doesn't do all too much, but he's a little nicer since the holidays.“  
Nobody said something. Did I say something wrong?  
Oh man, somehow I knew nothing.

 

[lesson again, vani's breakdown incoming, Noés point of view. At the moment I'm writing the breakdown because of Leo in german oh dear I love angst]

„Mister Archiviste? Are you even listening to me?“  
I looked up, right into Orlok's face.  
„Uhm... to be honest, no.“  
The class broke out into laughter, Domi, who was sitting next to me, too.  
„Exactly you should be listening... Fontaine (I always call Vani Fontaine with second name, lol, I don't know why. I wanted a french name and went on the internet to look on the list but hey let's be positive I could've named him Moureau), could you explain it to him, please?“  
Vanitas stood up, sighed, then he walked over to me.  
It really annoyed me that some teachers called us by our second names, like, what was the point? I was a child, not an adult.  
„Could you at least listen? Man, that pisses me off I always have to explain it to you then! So, it's about Lumos. You can lighten up your wand with the spell and I've heard it's quite an easy one so maybe even YOU can get it right.“  
Thanks, I knew I was bad.  
I took the wand into my hand. Ok.  
„Lumos!“  
Nothing happened. I could feel rage slowly building up inside of me. I only wanted something to work at least once.  
I looked over to Domi and Oz who were building a team. Domi's wand was already shining like a sun.  
„Lumos!“  
Nothing.  
It was so annoying. I just wanted to be like everyone else. Just... normal.  
„Wait. I'll show you. Don't hold it like that... not... that hard.“  
He showed me his hand with his wand and I tried to wrap my fingers around it like he did.  
„Try again.“  
„Lumos!“  
And there was a light, not nearly as bright as Domi's and it disappeared after some seconds, but there had been a light! I began grinning. He was right. I shouldn't try something while already thinking I couldn't even do it.  
„Lumos!“, he shouted too.  
I had expected that he would get it right off the bat, but nothing, not even a flicker like mine.  
He moaned out.  
„Lumos!“  
Again, nothing happened. He tried again and again, growing more desperate with every time and then his wand fell onto the floor with a loud 'thump'.  
He was standing there completely frozen, I could see fear in his eyes as clear as day and I didn't know what to do at all.  
„Hey...“, I reached out a hand.  
What was wrong with him? It was nothing bad, not getting something right was something normal to me.  
„Don't touch me...“ It was whispered so quietly that I almost didn't hear. It sounded completely destroyed and he walked back a bit.  
I took his wand off the floor and reached it out for him to take it.  
„Hey, look, we can try again, Slowly, ok?“  
Suddenly he sank onto the ground, the arms protecting his face.  
He was trembling and I stopped caring about eveything else, picked him and walked outside with him. Orlok didn't care about his students, so he could think what he wanted to, he wouldn't follow us, that was almost sure.  
Vanitas was still frozen and I put him onto the floor.  
„What i-“  
„I... I failed!“, he cried out and pressed himself into he wall, trying to be as small as possible.  
„Hey, come on, I failed, so... I deserve it...! Hit me...!“  
And then I, Noé Archiviste, I, a completely stupid boy finally understood something.   
Something must have been wrong with his family. Probably he was so good at casting spells because someone taught him and when he failed, he got hit.  
„It's me, Noé. I'm not doing anything to you, yeah? I'm doing nothing.“  
I kneeled down in front of him and he whimpered. I didn't know if it'd be good to touch him now or not.  
„It's ok“, I tried again, but he said nothing and just trembled. Then he started crying.  
I didn't know if this was good or bad.  
„But I deserve it.“  
I pushed one of my strands out of my face.  
„Hey, look. I'm failing all the time! So you should hit me too, but you don't want that, right?“  
Ok, I wasn't so sure about it. He hated me but hey, I've tried.  
I reached out my hand as if he was a deer that almost got shot.  
And right at the moment he was.  
He didn't back away.  
My fingertips touched his slim shoulder, then I laid my whole hand onto it.  
„Look, I'm doing nothing to you. It's ok.“  
He relaxed a little but cried even harder and somehow, I couldn't watch this.  
(Then Break comes and calms her down and she gets it right and break says she probably thought of something else, probably the thing sharon told him and vani is like asdfghjkl Leo.)

 

[Domi and Noé walking back to hogwarts after their quidditch match slytherin vs hufflepuff and both are in the teams, hufflepuff won, Domi's point of view]

„Noé, you were so good!“  
I finally reached him and quickly hugged him.  
Do not turn red, Dominique.  
Wow, I didn't. Did I finally... get used to being in love?  
„I know! But you too! Oh, Domi, we're in Hogwarts and we're playing Quidditch? Those will be the best years of our lives!“  
And with that, he hugged me again.  
I had hoped that it would have been this way.  
That it would have been the best years,  
And yes, they surely were.  
If that incident wouldn't have happened.  
But in the end there was one person who turned out happy, because she finally got back everything that she once lost.

 

[Vani standing around with elly and leo during the quidditch match, vanis point of view]  
„She's only staring at your roomate-“  
„Noé“, Leo said and I turned red only by the sound of his voice. Damn, that was stupid.  
„Also she's totally in love with him!“  
Thanks Leo, Wonderful that you're talking about that topic right in front of me.  
Eliot just shrugged. „She's only twelve.“  
Yes, I also thought that until I fell in love.  
„Doesn't mean anything.“  
They immediately looked at me.  
„What?“, I bursted out but then they began grinning.  
„We're here if you want to talk, you know that right?“, said Leo and I turned even more red.  
„No, thanks. Am I not allowed to talk about love without you thinking weird things?“  
„You're twelve, being in love is normal! That'll be ok!“  
Leo laid his hand on my should and I could feel myself turning into a puddle.  
I didn't want to talk about that with him, if I was in love or not.  
Yes, ok, it was fun, having those clichée-pink-glasses on your nose and being happy all the time, but that constant fear that he didn't love me was killing me.  
But I didn't expect anything.  
Nobody could love me anyways, but that was ok.  
„Hey... you're crying?“  
Shit, no, what?  
I looked up and realized it too. I really was crying, ok, how stupid was that.  
~  
„Vanitas? What are you doing her? I think you don't even like Quidditch?“  
I sighed and wanted to keep on walking, but Noé caught my arm.  
„Eliot dragged Leo and me along. I wasn't there voluntarily. Let go, I have to go.“  
I asked myself if Leo was right. If Domi really loved him  
Maybe she was lucky and they'd get together. Noé was a boy, she was a girl and also, she was beautiful.  
The thought hurt.  
I wanted to go away from all those nomal people, the ones who fit into society.  
Not like me.  
I fit into nothing.  
Not even into my own body.

 

I'm too lazy to write that but Domi, Mina and Noé steal the map of the maraudeers and the first thing they discover is Ruthven being on toilet lol xDDD

 

[Noé's point of view. They were at the gryffindor's because of gil's birthday and oscar came in and was like guys u r too loud and it's half past eleven if the other teachers see u here you and I will be fucked and Eliot and Leo are supposed to bring back the others. A chapter before domi and oz noticed that elly and leo are totally in love with each other and began shipping them, vani isn't there, elly and leo are bringing them back now and some minutes before noé talked about vani with leo]  
Domi laughed aloud. „Man, they're in love!“  
Really? I hadn't noticed. And it also didn't matter to me. Love and stuff.  
I couldn't imagine being in love.  
I thought that kissing someone was... kind of disgusting and embarrassing.  
But I could perfectly imagine Domi being into that stuff. Ok, we were 13 and Johann was in a relationship with Laurent / roland / however for about a year now.  
I also didn't think that I was in love (Louis, my dear, at least a little, me, now that I've finished writing this: A FUCKING LOT)and I didn't know how that felt.  
Maybe I should ask Johann.  
We arrived by the picture of the Slytherins and Domi left.  
I walked next to Leo and Eliot, still thinking.  
I didn't even want to fall in love because everyone said that being in unrequited love hurt a lot.  
I couldn't imagine that anything could be more painful than Louis' death.  
But if, then somehing like this.  
Because I knew at least how rejection felt.  
Well, Vanitas rejected me everyday, but I wasn't in love with him. (wait two more years, then u are lol, me after finishing: You've been in love with her since chapter one but ok)  
And I didn't quite get why everyone looked at Laurent and Johann as if they were aliens when they were holding hands. If a girl and a boy held hands, nobody said anything.  
I didn't understand and thinking about it gave me a headache.  
(after that he is thinking of Louis because hints xD)

 

[Vani's point of view]  
„We're in a relationship.“  
That was it. The message I've feared the most, that Leo didn't love me back.  
For some moments I sat there, still completely calm, then rage and panic took over my body.  
I stood up and the chair fell.  
That was one of the many reasons why I absolutely hated my life.  
Nobody was really feeling how I was feeling.  
I wanted a father who would love me as a father, but I didn't have one because my mother had to sleep with an idiot.  
And when they did that, something went wrong so that my body wasn't even my body.  
I lacked friends because they were better off without me.  
And I couldn't even have Leo, Leo, the boy I loved.  
My heart hurt. Nobody told me that pain like this could also heard physically, but it did.  
A cramp went through my body.  
„Go. Go away, like everyone else in my life! I don't want to see you ever again!“  
I sprinted out of the room, the gazes of some sixth and seventh graders followed me.  
„Vani! Stop, let's talk!“  
His voice. I never wanted to hear it again. Never.  
(short time jump because she's only running towards her room and goes sitting in a corner)  
I was sobbing and almost screaming, but at least nobody was there.  
The moment I thougt that, the door opened and Noé looked at me, completely confused.  
I didn't even want to know how ridiculous I must have been looking.  
I was sitting in a corner and I was sobbing and trembling and crying.  
He walked over to me immediately and kneeled down in front of me.  
I just wanted him to go.  
„What the hell happened to you?“  
I wanted to say something but what escaped my throat was another sob.  
„Shall I get Break?“  
I shook my head.  
„Sharon?“  
I shook my head again.  
„Eliot?“  
„Please no...!“  
A cramp went through me when he said Leo's name.  
And in the next second I was feeling warm. Too warm in my opinion.  
There were arms around my body and hands on my back, stroking me, his chin was on my shoulder.  
I didn't know why, but feeling the warmth of someone human felt good.  
I hugged him back, completely insecure, but it was helping so much it almost scared me.  
It was strange. I didn't even like him. To be honest, he was the kind of person I hated because he was wearing his feelings on his sleeve, open for everyone to see.  
I hated him because he was exactly how I wanted to be.  
We were sitting like this for some moments, then he let go.  
„Is it better now?“  
I nodded and sniffed. I was still crying though.  
„I'm gonna get you a tissue, ok? Stay here.“ He was whispering so softly and quietly that I could barely understand him.  
He gave me a tissue and carefully pulled me up. I couldn't stand alone. We walked over to his bed and he made me sit down there.  
He took his blanket and practically buried me in it.  
It was a weird feeling, his smell was everywhere around me and for a short moment I was happy he wasn't one of those people who were stinking like fish or sweat all the time.  
„You really don't want to talk?“  
„No... and if I do... then I'm gonna talk to Sharon...“  
He stayed silent for a while and placed his hand on my back.  
„But not the same as last time?“  
Oh, he probably meant my break down during the lesson.  
„No. It's... it's ok.“  
„You were sitting in a corner, crying and trembling and you want me to believe you're fine? It's ok to admit you're not.“  
I only shrugged and pulled away his hand. It was ok, but as soon as I imagined it being Leo's hand, it just hurt.  
„I'm gonna get Sharon now. You need someone to talk to. Did you have an argument with Eliot and Leo? Well, I'm here too, if you want to talk.“  
I didn't care what he thought, but somehow I answered.  
„Something like that, yeah.“  
„Because they're dating?“  
Why did he know that? Oh, how much I must have meant to them that they told me oh so early about them.  
„I mean, just because they're dating...“  
How often did he want to mention it, goddamnit?  
I pulled my legs onto the bed and buried my face into my knees  
„...That doesn't mean that they stopped liking you.“  
„Noé. Please stop, it doesn't matter, yeah? Lemme sit here for a while and tomorrow everything will be fine.“  
Because I would have learned how to oppress my feelings by then.  
(Then Sharon bursts in and starts crying because she can't deal with her child being hurt xD)

 

[just to mention it, Domi and co. Have the map of the maraudeers because Break gave it to them willingly, in case ruthven starts to do more (I finally want to write Domi returning after being tortured by our lovely doctor xDD). Ok, but this is Noés point of view and they have to choose their subjects and he and Vani are talking about the muggle subject I'll call it Muggelkunde because that's the german word]  
„Mh... Muggelkunde seems interesting. I want to know how everyone here views them, I didn't see that many differences myself...“  
I made two crosses and the two subjects.  
„Differences? Well, but you live with your head teacher, and he's a magician, right? Aren't your parents magicians too?“  
I shrugged. „Well, I don't know my parents. But I lived with some muggles for a few years. Older ones. They're dead by now, but they were the best grand-parents I could have wished for.“  
Vanitas was silent all of a sudden. I didn't know him like that.  
„You don't know your parents? I mean... are... uhm, they even alive?“  
I only shrugged again.  
„I don't know. But anyway, granny, grandpa, grandpa... uhm, the head teacher, Domi and Louis are the best family for me. They were enough.“  
There were tears in my eyes. I've never cried because of that. It was ok. It was also ok that Louis was dead, so why now? I wiped them away.  
It didn't help, the tears came back.  
I put my face into my knees. I almost jumped up when I felt a hand on my back though.  
But he didn't say anything. Well, he probably didn't know what to say.  
„Hey, you don't have to do this, I mean, comforting me. I'm fine, I'm used to it. I just never really thought about my parents before.“

 

[Noés point of view, they're spying at night again and are in this tunnel thing where break sharon and vani are studying and doing experiments for vani's spell, teacher de sade is already helping them and at night he casts a spell on vani so that her voice is a female one, also, prepare for break the creep]  
I didn't quite know why, but I liked that voice. It confused the heck out of me. I didn't want to go, I wanted to stay here and listen.  
„Noé, c'mon let's go.“  
She grabbed my arm but I pulled it back.  
Wait, that couldn't be it, could it? I mean, I've seen him with Break and Sharon and teacher in the forbidden library, but...? That wasn't his voice. His voice was deeper than... that one.  
„Then stay here, we're going to go now.“  
And they really left. I sat down on the floor. I was alone at Hogwarts at night. What an idiot I was.  
„Uhm... Sharon? I've got the feeling that there's someone in front of the door.“  
Oh god, that voice. What was wrong with me? (Noé, u shithead, u in love.)  
„Uhm.. I... uh, I got lost! I wanted to... uhm... I...“, I shouted, I couldn't just run away now.  
„That's Noé, isn't it?, said Break and opened the door. „Yep, it's Noé. Didn't I tell you not to walk around in Hogwarts at night? Where are the others?“  
I tried to look into the room, but I couldn't see anything. He'd probably cast a spell on him.  
„Come, I'll guide you back,“  
He pulled me along with him, but not careful at all, he was holding my arm with full force and it hurt.  
„I can walk alone“, I mumbled and he let go. He sighed.  
„You know, Archiviste, there is a reason why you shouldn't be walking around at night like this. Honestly... Have you already forgotten about your friend?“  
I made a few steps back. He had never talked to me like that. Never.  
And it felt extremely shitty.  
„Well, I'm sorry!“, I screamed, breathing in and then out to calm me down, „Domi wanted me to tag along and... we've seen you a few times going into that tunnel and...!“  
Mh, yes. We've seen you a few times while using a magic map of Hogwarts, to be exact.  
„Ah, ok, then I know that the map is where it belongs, thanks.“  
There was his grin again. Ok, that was the Break I knew.  
„You gave us the map?“  
„Yep... for, let's say... emergencies. Just pay attention your grandpa doesn't find out. But why didn't you leave with the others?“  
I was feeling warm and could feel myself blushing. Damnit.  
„Uhm... I heard that voice and... wanted to know... who that was.“  
Break giggled.  
„Well, I'm not allowed to tell you this.“  
„I mean... I'm not sure of course, but for a moment I thought it was Vanitas because... well, seems like you guys are doing quite a lot together...“  
He sighed.  
„Now go. We're there.“

I opened the door and saw Vanitas laying on his bed, reading the fourteenth volume of Holy Knight.  
This voice couldn't be his. He was here after all.  
„Hey?“, I said, „Still awake?“  
„Yep, but at least I'm reading a book and not walking around at school. But hey, my most-hated character finally died.“ (He and Eliot both hate Edgar even though they both are reckless too lol xD)  
I looked at him.  
How could I have thought that that nice and beautiful voice belonged to him?

 

[it's the last day and teacher wants to say who won the competition between the houses but it's a draw between Hufflepuff and Gryffindor (since ph trio is doing well and is not caught having sex somewhere coughs and looks at laurent and johann) so he was looking for someone he could give special points to. Noés point of view]  
„You know, Hufflepuff has a student (I used the female version in german there, we have female and male versions for jobs and so on) who could have fit into any other house too.“  
Ok. By now it was pretty clear that we won, but I decided not to start cheering.  
„I won't say the name because I could almost bet she doesn't want me to. But I want to explain it a little. She could have fit into Slytherin as well because she's ambitious. I've never seen someone wanting to achieve an aim that badly. Also she is definetely as clever as a Ravenclaw. I didn't even understand that book she read. And Gryffindor because she is fighting everday, to live on. You may be thinking now that that's easy, but I can tell you, for her it's not. She's so brave. I'm sure, I wouldn't have made it this far if I was her. She's the bravest girl I've ever seen. By far. I hope she knows that I mean her, but since I've talked a lot with her, she should know that. I gave her ten extra points. Hufflepuff won!“  
Our table broke out into cheers.  
The hall was suddenly decorated with yellow, black and silver things.  
I looked over to Vanitas. „Do you know who he meant?“  
He just shrugged but I could see a little smile on his lips for some moments.

 

[Vani's point of view, summer holidays, Misha storming in]  
„Big brotheeeer!“, he screamed and I could cry, he ran to me and practically attacked me.  
He fell into my arms and I almost fell too, but not in someone's arms but onto a cold hard floor.  
He let go of me after some minutes of hugging me so hard I could barely breath.  
„Or... uhm... your hair is long enough to make a ponytail now? Uhm... I mean... would you prefer me calling you 'big sis'? I mean... your hair... that pink pullover which is obviously from Sharon...“  
I felt myself blushing, I also began trembling slightly. It made no sense to hide it from him anymore.  
I breathed in. „Yes“, I said, just waiting for him to burst out into laughter, but instead his eyes lit up.  
„Does that mean I could give you makeup for your birthday?“  
Ok. Ok, ok, the first thing he asked me was if I... could give him make up... to my birthday...  
I began laughing.  
„Damn shortie! Hell no! I don't even like make-up! Also... only some people know that. To be exact, you, the head teacher and Break and Sharon only. Sorry.“  
He nodded. „Hey, isn't that Noé?“  
I turned around and yes, there he was, panting and I was standing here in a pink pullover.  
„Uhm...“, I started, but feeling to awkward to find a good reason why I was wearing that... thing.  
„Hey, I just wanted to say bye, otherwise it'd bug me for all the holidays long.“  
Ok, he didn't even notice the pullover?  
„This time you had enough clothes left.“  
Ok, he noticed.  
„Uhm... well... it's soft.“  
Misha broke out into laughter.  
Noé looked at him completely confused.  
„Well, looks better than Alice in that pink dress. That really hurt my eyes.“


	3. Year 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically the year of Vanitas and Noé actually forming a bond of friendship, please, I know no one reads this anyways but hey!!!! Maybe when I post it on tumblr haha xD

[Noés point of view, he just slammed the door into russian beans face but russian bean left and he's alone with vanitas now.]  
„Hey, show me those earrings, I can't see them from here! Did it hurt?“  
I walked over to him without waiting for an answer.  
He was standing at the window, his ellbows on the... (how is that called. We call it 'fensterbank' which means 'window bench xD' uhm, u know... that thing in front of a window.).   
I think he grew a little but I was still a lot taller.  
He backed away a bit, but he was ok with letting me look at them.  
They were only small black cubes, but they looked nice.  
„Do you have other pairs?“  
He shook his head. „I could barely find some without glitter.“  
„Glitter is not 'especially for girls'“, I said, „in Kindergarten there was a boy who painted his easter egg (what easter egg though? The vince and gil reference in memoire 14???) pink and the others started mocking him. I didn't really see why they would do that, but well, I painted mine pink too then.“ (this is a true story what I did tbh)  
Vanitas was looking at me now, grinning.  
I somehow noticed that his eyes were extremely beautiful. I didn't kow why I never noticed, but the blue was really beautiful indeed. I remembered the obsession about eyes I had as a kid, sometimes I forced Louis and Domi to let me look into their eyes.  
„You did well there, I'm sure the boy was happy.“

 

[vanis point of view, leo forced her into talking to him.]  
„You... were... or are in love... with Eliot, right?“  
I stared at him for some seconds and then I burst out into laughter.  
„What? Oh god, no!“  
I tried to breath in normally. I should really tell him now. I didn't have any hope anymore, so it would hurt less now.   
„Leo... not Eliot.“  
Ok, everything was alright.  
„You.“  
His hand on my back disappeared and I sat up properly, stopping him as he wanted to talk.  
„Stop, let me explain please, ok? Yes... I... somehow fell... in love with you.“  
Strangely it felt good talking about this.  
„And well, I think I'm still... But don't worry. I don't cry because of it anymore. You're better with Eliot anyway. I just want to be friends with you again.“  
He buried his hand in his hair.  
„Oh... oh dear. Oh.“  
„You're repeating yourself.“  
Maybe I could finally get over him now, by talking to him.  
„I just... don't understand how anyone could fall in love with me and... can I help you somehow? By being shitty to you, maybe?“  
„Please no! But... there's one thing you could do for me.“  
„As long as you don't want my worn underwear, I'm ok.“  
I began grinning. He was such an idiot.  
„Ew, no, thanks! I mean... maybe... a hug?“  
He was puzzled, but nodded.  
I awkwardly reached out my arms and touched him. It was embarrassing.  
I felt his hand on my back and pressed myself into him a little.  
It was warm all over. I knew it, I still loved him.  
My heart was beating loud and fast and my hands were trembling.  
My breath was shaking as I put my chin onto his shoulder.  
Now I really knew why Noé said that hugs helped.  
„Thanks, Leo.“  
I let go of him.  
„Hey Vani... don't be afraid, yeah? You'll find someone else. The head teacher was right. You really are the bravest girl here.“

 

[hat thingie for the first year students. XD Domis point of view]

Misha was the first one to step forward, but he stumbled and fell onto the chair. Laughter filled the room and I looked over to Vanitas who was smacking his hand into his own face.  
Ruthven placed the hat onto his head and it only took two or three seconds until he screamed: „Slytherin!“  
The red haired girl (alia Lily who is a muggleborn and knows absolutely nothing) was the next. She became a Hufflepuff.

 

 

[lily is in vanis and noés room because shes homesick, noés point of view]

„It's ok“, Vanitas said, „that's normal, but that homesickness will go away, I promise, you'll have lots of fun here!“  
Vanitas took her up like you usually carried a baby.  
Ok, no matter how pissed off he seemed to be sometimes, he liked kids.  
Somehow I had to smile. I didn't think that he liked kids.  
„Hey, stop crying, yeah? It's ok. We'll all take care of you, yeah? It will stop, I promise...“  
Ok, that was cute. It was strange calling Vanitas 'cute' but right now, he was.  
He put Lily onto the floor.  
„You can sleep in my bed, if you want to“, I said and Lily nodded and wiped away her tears.  
„Thanks...“

 

[vanis point of view, they're in hogsmead, vani is there with leo eliot and noé because jeanne domi and mina want to get drunk xD]

„Uhm... could we maybe... go... into this... pet shop...?“, Eliot murmured and Leo and I began grinning.  
„He wants to see the cats“, Leo and I said at almost the same time.  
„Cats? I also want to go there! Wait, we're allowed to have pets, right? Oh, Vanitas, please let me have a cat...!“  
I shook my head and walked to the store. As long as the cat wouldn't bite and scratch me, I wouldn't care.  
Also, I wanted to buy an owl, maybe. For sending letters.  
I had no one to send letters to. But well, maybe I just wanted to take care of someone or something.  
We entered the store and immediately it smelled... bad. Good, that I was used to it because of Ernst. (it's strange writing a german name in here lol xD)  
„Ok, Eliot. Go to the cats. Give them all your love“, Leo said, extremely melodramatic and I had to laugh when Noé and Eliot disappeared with shining eyes.  
I was alone with Leo now. Oh great.  
„Are you two looking for something?“, someone asked and I turned around.  
There was the director with a cage for an owl.  
But there was no owl in there.  
„Uhm... no thanks... I just... wanted an owl“, I stuttered and he let out a laugh.  
„I know lots about owls, every of my friends and I myself had owls once.“  
For a moment I thought that I heard pain in his voice. Right, now that I thought about it, he was already born during the war, probably. Or even earlier.  
I didn't want to imagine what had happened to his friends. He'd always seemed like a loner to me. I never thought about him having friends.  
He looked at me and Leo, totally confused, then he laughed again. „Oh no, no, not everyone of my friends died! Yeah, not many survived the war, but I can deal with that. I still have contact with some... but I also have some 'friends' I wished I never knew...“  
„Who would that be?“, Leo asked, as nice as he could and I had to grin.  
„Our lovely astronomy and potion teacher“, he answered.  
...Ruthven? Really? They were friends? I couldn't even try to imagine that, they were worlds apart!  
„Let's go to the owls, yeah?“  
(short vani in thoughts about the war follows and I'm too lazy to translate lol)  
Teacher showed us the way and then gave me a small owl. „I'm sure you'll get along. I knew the grand-grand-grandmother of that owl. Belonged to one of my friends. You sometimes remind me of her a lot.“  
His voice was cracking away and I was afraid he might begin to cry, but he wasn't like this.  
„So... well I think I'll take her then. Is she even female?“  
He nodded. „You should think of a name.“  
„Claudia“, I said immediately, though I didn't know why ( I don't know, have you read that 'Crimson Shell' Oneshot by mochijun?? I really liked it but my friends didn't lol but it is a lot like ph actually and a bad end xD).  
„Grandpa, grandpa, look, isn't he cute!“  
Noé walked down the stairs with a fluffy, extremly fat white cat which slapped Noé right in the face.  
Leo and I managed to exchange a glance but Eliot supported Noé with stroking the cat's back.

 

[next chapter is basically mina awkwardly flirtign with domi since I somehow have to get them into a relationship to have a reason to kill mina lolll xDDD]  
[Noés point of view, he's walking around with his broom but he's kinda depressed and then vani bumps into him because she has to look for him because laurent / roland whatever wants him for quidditch]

„now come one“, I said, „you can sit in front of me, then I could hold you if you fell down. I always have to fly without hands anyway. C'mon, trust me!“  
He breathed in and out shakingly and sat down on the broom in front of me and I just began flying.  
He cried out.  
„Please let me down“, he begged and I put my hand to his shoulder.  
„You've once said so yourself, but breathe in and out and don't think about it. I don't think you're doing that.“  
He gasped as I sped up. We would be there soon anyway.  
„I-it's ok... oh no Leo and Misha are standing around there what are they doing?“  
I shrugged.  
„I don't know? Pointing at us and grinning.“ (they ship it hard.)

 

[winter break now, vani and misha are carrying some books and talking about shipping xD, vanis point of view. Noé is staying with them.]  
„Misha, don't you want to swap rooms with Noé? You don't want to sleep alone at the Slytherin's, right?“  
„Lily allowed me to use her room. Don't you want to sleep in one room with your prince~?“  
I gave him a deathglare. „Misha, please stop, ok? I don't like him.“  
„But he likes you! Well... ok, your voice, at least.“  
I felt warmth on my cheeks which was kinda awkward because now Misha would just think I was in love with him even more.  
Which I wasn't. There were two reasons for that. The first was that he annoyed me and the second had a name, that name was Leo.  
„Wonderful, Misha, but you know... Leo. Still. Sadly. Did you, Sharon and Leo opened a club? The Vanitas x Noé shippers maybe?“  
Misha laughed and almost dropped the books.  
„Oh, no, no, we thought Vanoé-Shippers sounds better!“  
„....Are you serious!“  
„What do you think? No, I'm not! As if your love life rellay interests me...!“

 

[noe´s point of view, basically vani being sick noé is sitting by her bed because he's unable to fall back to sleep]  
It was the first time I saw him sleeping. His face was completely relaxed and his mouth slightly open.  
He looked helpless. And small. And endlessly tired. He really should sleep more.  
I sighed. Why was it so complicated? Sometimes he seemed to like me and then again,he seemeed to absolutely hate me.  
Maybe it was like that. Some people were unsteady. Why did I even think about that?  
I had to pay attention not to start laughing when he began snoring.  
What could I do for him?  
Leo told me to offer my help. But how? He didn't want my help.  
He didn't tell me anything. I wouldn't judge him.  
I heard a soft sound next to me.  
„Noé?“  
„Hm?“, I said and backed away a bit because his face was right next to mine.  
„I'm... sorry... for being shitty to you... so often...“  
I had to grin. „Don't worry, it's ok.“  
„No... it's not okay. I'm... like this to... kinda everyone. But... you did nothing that... could make me hate you and... so... sorry... what am I even talking, damn fever. But... yes.“  
„No, it is indeed ok“, I reassured him, „I just want you to know I'm here, yeah? And now go back to sleep, you must be tired.“  
He closed his eyes and was immediately asleep.

 

[vanis point of view. The mistletoe scene xDD]  
I bumped right into Noé when I walked through the door. And that would have been no problem, since we didn't fall or whatever.  
But above us was a goddamn mistletoe because Break had insisted on his 'tradition'.  
We stared at each other, completely in shock.  
I didn't want that.  
Misha, Sharon and Break turned around, grinning.  
„Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!“, Misha began to sing and I didn't expect Break and Sharon to join in because they were adults but they did.  
I sighed and Noé pressed himself into the door not to be near to me. I did the same.  
„Uhm... you know, that'd be my first kiss?“, I said, trying to convince them to give up. Sharon covered her mouth with her hand.  
„Oh god, Vanitas, no! Then you don't have to, of course! But I'll keep this in mind, you two. And if I have to force you into that kiss, but you don't want to leave Hogwarts in guilt, do you?“  
Noé and I mechanically shook heads.   
I absolutely didn't want to kiss him.  
„It'd... also be my first kiss.. sibling kisses aside...“, Noé stuttered and I walked out of the room as fast as possible with my hurting body.  
I knew that Sharon would force us into that kiss. But I didn't want to kiss him, I mean yes, he didn't look bad, but I also didn't love him.  
And I wouldn't kiss evey good-looking guy.  
I would bet my ass that Leo and Eliot had already kissed.   
I've already asked myself a couple of times if I'd kiss Leo. Yes, I probably would.  
But I didn't want to.  
Because of Eliot.  
Of course I'd also like to know how it feels like.  
But... not Noé.  
In some years I'd look back at those thoughts and laugh at myself.

 

[noés point of view, it's christmas and he gave vanitas the … the vanitas earring lol, I made vani an artist and sharon forced her to draw a Murr for noé]  
„And? You like it?“, I asked and he turned around, „because I absolutely loved that drawing! I didn't know you could draw, though.“  
I sat down next to him.  
He didn't know what to do, I could see it.  
„Uhm... Sharon... kinda forced me to... and I thought... I'd draw something?“  
I looked at the he picture again. It was perfect.  
„Really, it's perfect! And, you didn't answer me!“  
He took the earring out of the book.  
„Good. Really. But... why did you give it to me? I mean... did Sharon also...? I mean... you didn't have to, after all-“  
I stopped him with holding up my hand.  
„No. I've asked her if I should give you something. The idea was mine. I also chose the earring myself. I mean, we know each other for two and half a year!“  
He shrugged and for a moment I was afraid he might burst out into tears.  
Oh dear, I didn't expect him to react like this.  
„Uhm... thanks.“

 

 

 

[new years, vani, noé, misha, sharon and break are outside because sharon bought fireworks, vanis point of view]  
When we reached 'zero' and the bell began swinging to greet the new year, Sharon and Break set fire to the fireworks and Noé hugged Misha and me and wished us a happy new year.  
I didn't quite recover from the human touch when the first fireworks reached the sky and exploded into thousands of golden sparks.  
Sharon and Break moved to the next fireworks. We had collected bottles all the past few weeks for this.  
We only stood there and watched the fireworks, but somehow I was really happy and hopeful, that maybe everything would be ok one day.  
That there would be somebody I could be happy with. That I'd have a body which would feel 'right'.  
That I wouldn't think 'I want to die' every day before falling asleep, but 'I want to live'.  
(Misha teasing vanoé about the mistletoe follows, also sharon x break holding hands because i love them so much hng)  
~  
When we went to bed at like 3 am, I was still happy.  
I hadn't felt like this in years. Everything would get better now. I was sure.  
„I want to eat peanuts with yoghurt and Nutella“, I pressed out and then I realized what I had said.  
Oh dear.  
Noé began laughing.  
He had slept in my bed when I had slept in his because I had been sick. Sometimes his smell was still tangled in the sheets.  
„Sorry. Forget what I said. I definetley wouldn't eat this at 3am.“  
„Vanitas? You know what? I like you better when you're happy.“  
„Same.“

 

[domis point of view. She wants to find out about noes parents and hopes that his mom or dad might have been in teachers class since he knows the archiviste name and her parents want a class photo anway, they were in the same class as hot daddy uncle, teacher, votbm and vanis mom. Yes hot daddy uncle. Don't ask. XDD]  
„I've made everyone vanish who... died.“  
I looked onto the photo.  
There were my parents. Next to them was grandpa, his arm around someone's shoulders I couldn't see anymore.  
Left to the empty space was a red-haired boy. That was Ruthven. They really had been friends when they were younger.  
He also had an arm around the empty space.  
There were only a few people left. How many of them had died?  
There was a girl and she reminded me of someone. Black hair and blue eyes. Vanitas. Was that his mom? They really looked alike.  
„I'm gonna send your parents a letter later with the spell which will activate the empty spaces, yeah?“  
„Why? Because a poor girl like me can't deal with dead people? Don't worry, I can deal with this.“  
„No, there are other reasons.“  
I shrugged. „The person between you two? Was that a girl? Your girlfriend?“  
He laughed and touched the space for a moment. A green-silver tie. She had been a Slytherin, like Ruthven and Grandpa.  
„I wished she was“, he said and let the original photo glide into his pocket (domi has a copy). He was smiling.  
A smile was strange for him and it was strange for me to talk about love with him of all people.  
„How had she been?“  
„Always excited, always wanted action and jokes. The teachers compared her to Fred and George Weasley. And that was quite accurate. I was pretty much the same. Ruthven wasn't, but he couldn't stop us either. Man, she was a good magician. A lot better than me. I was more popular than Ruthven, but she didn't care about that.“  
And then I understood and began grinning.  
„Wait. Your friendship ended because of a girl?“  
His smile disappeared.  
„One of many reasons. But that was not his fault, it was hers. But then this and that happened, then... her death. We didn't only lose her, but our connection to each other. Friendships are built and are broken. Life is born, life dies. That's normal.“  
The thought that he had once been the same age as I was was strange. But this picture proved it.  
„How did she look?“  
He shrugged and grinned. „Beautiful.“  
I had to laugh, but that was the sign that he wasn't willing to answer more questions.  
[then nightray dies. Hard. Head chopped off xDD]

 

[two dementors (sent by moureau cause he's a cruel bitch) are flying down and vani and noé are the only ones staying in the yard because otherwise they'd enter the school which would be a lot worse, noés point of view also did you notice that dementors and charlatan are pretty much the same???? dark scary creatures who suck out your soul / true name which is pretty much the soul with a kiss??? I'm shocked, jun you potterhead]  
I took out my wand. I had no idea of what to do against them.  
They were coming nearer, damn quickly.  
„Noé, the spell is 'expecto patronum' and you have to think of something happy, it's really difficult.“  
He was breathing hard and then he took my hand. He pressed it so hard that I thought he might break my bones. (when I'm having a panic attack, holding a hand helps me, so actually no romantic underline here xDD)  
I was feeling sick and it was way too cold.  
I could see them. They looked like a black blanket with a damn scary mouth.  
„Noé? We can do that, yeah?“  
He sounded way more sure than I felt.  
„Yes. Ok.“  
I accidentally digged my nail into the back of his head. He raised his wand.  
„Think of something happy and then...!“  
It felt as if I was thinking for hours but it were probably only some seconds.  
New Years. Not happy enough. When I discovered that Domi wasnt't dead. No, that was covered by sad feels.  
When Vanitas was chosen to be a Hufflepuff. When I knew I wouldn't be alone.  
We cried out the spell at almost the same time.  
It was like when I had to make this water bubble as the exam.  
It felt as if electricty went straight through my arms and for some seconds I was afraid that it would fall off.  
A ray of light shot out of my wand and transformed into a dog who was running towards the dementors alongside with a crow.  
I could feel a smile building on my face.  
The creatures began disappearing and Vanitas' grasp on my hand grew lighter, but he didn't let go.  
Holding a hand was calming.  
In a tornado of light and shadow, the patronusses (is that the plural?? xDD) and the dementors disappeared at almost the same time.  
I turned around to Vanitas and we grinned at each other for some moments.  
Then I fell.  
I was tired and I wanted to sleep. The grass below my head was wet, it must've rained tonight.  
I had dragged Vanitas along with me and he was kneeling beside me, then he let go of my hand.  
I heard steps and someone took me up and began carryin me.  
„You take Vanitas.“  
Ruthven. That was Ruthven. I tried to open my eyes. Red hair. Yes, it was him. He smelled strange, like coffee and garlic.  
I hated both.  
„No, no, I can walk“, Vanitas said, „honestly, I'm just a little nervous, but I'm ok.“ (because dementors make you feel depressed (they represent j k rowlings depression which is super beautiful??) and vani is already quite used to that)  
I could hear how he stood up but he couldn't walk straight, his knees buckled a lot.  
„Then let me at least help you.“  
That was grandpa. I would prefer being carried by him. He stepped next to me, his right hand on Vanitas hip, then he put his left hand into my hair.  
„I'm here, yeah?“, he whispered, „that was damn great you two! I was 21 when I mastered the patronus spell. I'm nothing against you two.“  
The dizziness in my brain started to fade and I clawed my hands into Ruthven's cloak because I was afraid he might let me fall. I didn't think he liked me.  
„Ruthven, I will see you immediately in my office after school.“  
„I don't know who sent the dementors and it wasn't me. You can believe me, I love this school just as much as you do.“  
A short silence followed and Vanitas made a peace sign behind grandpas back. I did the same.  
„That's not the reason and I'm well aware that you know this. I just want to know when and why.“  
„You're just the same as when we were young. That's terrible.“  
I could hear that Ruthven was smiling – which wasn't new to me, I've seen him smile quite a few times. But not in grandpa's present.  
„I want an explanation.“  
„You won't get one because it will change absolutely nothing.“ (Like, with this he practically declares he doesn't care that noé is his son, dude)  
„Give Noé to me and get out of my sight. Now.“  
Ruthven handed me over to Grandpa and I put my arms around him.  
-  
Sheryl (I made her the... doctor thing... I made... Sheryl Rainsworth.... a doctor...) gave grandpa chocolate.  
„I'll look after you two in some hours, you can probably leave this evening already. I have to go, sorry.“  
Then she left, with her harisen pulled out. (yeah she's gonna beat up barma)  
Grandpa handed over some chocolate to me and Vanitas. I immediately ate it and felt better right away.  
Vanitas was staring at the chocolate.  
„Uhm... how does it taste?“  
I swallowed my chocolate and had to cough. I grabbed the glass with water next to me and drank. Ok, it was better now.  
„What did you just ask?“, screamed grandpa who was as aghast as I was too.  
„Have you never eaten chocolate?“, I asked, trying to stay calm.  
Vanitas shook his head and realized with a disgusted face that the chocolate was melting.  
„Uhm... no, my father never gave us some and Break's chocolate looked strange.“  
I sighed. „Vanitas, please eat the chocolate, I'm afraid of you right now.“  
He looked at me and took a bite.  
It took him infinity to eat that piece, maybe because grandpa and I were still staring at him with big eyes.  
„And, how's it?“, I asked and grabbed the chocolate out of grandpa's hand to eat it.  
„Is there some chocolate which isn't that sweet? Then it'd probably taste good.“  
And then we all broke out into laughter.


	4. Year 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know no one reads this but in case someone wants to,it's uploaded *shrug* xDDD

[fourth year now, noé just entered the room and he's thinking about vantas being a girl now and I mesed up the pronouns a lot because I was used to he/him xDDD noés point of view]

He didn't look like a boy to me. Of course I wasn't sure about this, but I've heard about boys and girls who didn't feel alright in their body.  
It would explain everything if he – no, if she – was a girl. She had never called herself a boy, if I remembered correctly. It was more than obvious.  
I had also noticed that at the ceremony when the hat chose who would be in which house. She had looked as if she was forcing herself to be something.  
And that voice behind the door – it had been hers indeed but there was a spell cast on it because it made sense that she didn't like her deep voice.  
I didn't even want to imagine how terrible it must have felt for her.  
The voice had been hers of course because Misha and Vanitas were the only ones having a closer relationship to Sharon and Break,  
She was the one because of whom we won the competition between the four houses in the second year.  
Because she was working on something and she couldn't feel well, so it was brave of her to even stay alive.  
Suddenly there was a hand in front of my face.  
„Noé? You ok?“ It was Misha and then I realized I had been staring at Vanitas stomach for some time.  
„Uh. Sorry.“

 

[vanis point of view, jeanne and her are talking because vani tried to act as if she liked jeanne because she gets bullied somehow because she looks 'like a girl and terribly gay' (we all know those insults... -.-)]

„I... uhm, I just thought that you... don't really like girls, you know?“  
„Because I look like some cliché gay?“  
She sighed. „Do I look like a cliché lesbian with my short hair?“  
I looked over to her and she grinned.  
„No... sorry... I just don't like talking about this kind of thing.“  
„It's unfair, isn't it? Only because you're not straight you're afraid to talk about it to people because they might judge you. I mean, I'm a girl, but I'm not that skinny and wearing skirts is totally shitty sometimes. Just because I have breasts and a vagina.“  
I didn't know what to say. For her it was ok not to be straight and cis.  
„Hm... yeah. Yeah well, I'm not crushing on you. Girls... I'm not the type who likes girls I think.“  
She laughed.  
„You see, I knew it. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.“  
My brain didn't quite grasp the fact that I liked boys. Actually I was straight, but since everyone seemed to think I was a boy, they thought I was gay. Oh man.  
„I also don't like boys, so hey.“  
Ah. That made sense.  
„Does someone else know it?“  
She was right. It felt good to finally talk about this to someone my age.  
„Well, Domi, but she's in a relationship with Mina which is... kind of strange.“  
„You mean, because of Noé?“  
I somehow realized that everything in my life was about this guy. Ok, almost every girl was having a crush on him, which I could understand. He really looked good and if I wasn't me, I'd probably have a crush on him too. Gilbert too. They were both tall and had broad shoulders and-  
Was I sitting on a bench in Hogwarts and thinking about how attractive my classmates were? Wow, this was embarrassing.  
„Yeah, I've always thought... you know, that she loves Noé. And now... Mina. I mean, I kinda pity her. I don't think that Domi is honest with her. And that's... just not right But well, now back to you. Are you... uh, are you sure, that you're, uhm, a boy?“  
Wait, no.  
„Uhm...“, I said but stopped talking then. I couldn't say this. I was hard with words.  
„Don't worry, it wouldn't matter to me. Oh god, that sounds wrong, I hope you know what I mean. But, c'mon, you can tell me. It'd just be another proof why life is unfair.“  
-they continue talking and then some boys start bullying Vanitas but I can't translate it because I used german insults and Jeanne practically was like uhmmm guys wtf don't u have eyes?? u can't carry vanitas around and put things into her uhmm because I used something like schwuler Sack which practically means gay sack / gay rucksack whatever and this doesn't exist in englis xDD vani then walks to the library to find elleo-  
I heard a moan.  
Ok, possibility one: someone was being tortured. Possibility two: someone was having sex.  
I didn't know what I'd prefer. I walked to the shelve (or was it shelf?? xD) quietly, trying not to make any sounds.  
„No... this is a... library...“  
Sex. It was sex. And holy fuck, fuck, fuck, I knew this voice.  
I slowly looked around the corner and yes, I was right. There was Leo, pressed up against a wall by Eliot.  
I needed alcohol. Now.

 

[vani is drunk now and she wrote Noé a letter which said 'pls come to myrte's toilet we have a nice pardeeyyy' and Noé noticed she has to be drunk and is looking for her now, noés point of view]

„Eyy, someone came to our pardey!“, someone screamed and I didn't trust my own two eyes with what I saw right in front of me.  
There she was standing – if you could call this standing – in her pants and a vest, nothing else.  
The clothes were scattered on the floor.  
Myrthe was sitting on one of the sinks.  
„Uhm.“  
I couldn't say anything for quite some time.  
She turned around to me and waved at me a lot.  
„Eyyyy, Noé, you wanna have a party with us?“  
She broke out into strange giggles.  
How much had she drunk?  
„Hey, Vanitas, let's go to our room, ok? You should sleep.“  
She stepped towards me and sulked.  
„I'm old enough to decide that myself!“  
I pushed my hair away. I needed help, but there was no help.  
„But you're also not eighteen. We can... continue partying in our room.“  
„Myyyrthe, a boy wants to... wants to drag me into bed, why don't you help me?“  
„No, no, go with him, that'd probably be better.“  
I tried to grin but failed. She was definetely right. Vanitas had to go to bed.  
I pulled off my coat and laid it onto her shoulders. She pulled it nearer, well, she was probably feeling cold.  
I walked over to her. „Is it ok if I help you? I don't think you can walk alone, can you?“  
She grinned.  
„You're like a kniiiight~!“  
I held out my arm and she immediately took it and pressed herself against me. I hoped that she wasn't one of those persons who got too clingy when they were drunk.  
I waved at Myrthe and then we left.  
„I feel dizzy... but that's ok because you're here... and we'll continue the party in our room... so that's ok...!“  
I couldn't really follow her but at least she was still able to talk.  
Her hand on my back slid furhter down and if I hadn't grabbed it, she would have probably touched my... yes.  
„Noé... did I ever tell you that... you're extremly hot?“  
I burst out into laughter and had a hard time staying on my feet because my knees began buckling.  
Ok, I had to keep this in memory. I could totally tease her with that.  
„Ok, so you like boys?“  
„Yes! I mean, how can some people not like boys? I mean... your ass is quite sexy!“  
My stomach began hurting because of the laughter. My god... why? Why wasn't she drunk more often? It was fun.  
„Really? Tell me more!“  
I was having so much fun which was really... sad, actually. I was having fun at her costs.  
We reached the stairs to the hufflepuff rooms.  
„Yeah I mean, your broad shoulders... and, Gilbert too! You two came straight outta heaven... or hell, I don't know.“  
Ok, so also Gilbert.  
„Anyone else?“  
„Hm... well, Eliot is probably hot, but I know him too long to say that. Laurent and Johann... no they're too blond. Ok, Vincent is also blond but he's also quite hot.“  
I didn't even know what to say.  
I murmured the password and then I dragged her to our room, put the clothes onto the table and forced her to sit down on my bed.  
„Vanitas, why did you drink? And what did you drink? I don't think that you did this for no reason.“  
She broke out into laughter, then into tears.  
I sat down next to her and the mixture of sobbing and giggling sounded strange.  
„Eliot... and Leo... were fucking in the library! And then I thought, I'd drink some vodak to be a living cliché, but it was disgusting!“  
„Living cliché? What?“  
„Man, don't you have any ears? I'm half russian! And russian people drink vodka! Does not liking vodka make me less russian?“  
Wait, she was russian? I doubted that it made sense to ask her about this in this state, so another mental note to me.  
„Ah... uh, no, and Eliot and Leo...?“  
„Yeah, yeah, you heard me right! They fucked! And I thought that I was... you know...“  
„Please just tell me, otherwise I'd have to think too much.“  
„I thought I was... over Leo. Didn't hurt anymore. But I couldn't look at this.“  
And now there really were tears on her cheek.  
„You were... in love with him?“  
„Yep, I mean, it's quite shitty when your first love just slaps you hard and... I just wanted to see if alcohol helps.“  
„And, did it?“  
She shook her head and buried her face into her hands. I was noticing that the alcohol didn't have that much effect on her anymore. She couldn't have drunk that much.  
„I want to sleep“, she said and took my hand, „can you stay with me? I'm afraid.“  
I didn't know what she was afraid of. I pulled back my hand and pushed her onto the bed.  
She took my blanket and pulled it over her, but she let her hand hang out the blanket.  
„My mom always left when I wanted her to stay.“  
Because of this she wanted to take my hand. Because if I left, she would notice it.  
I took her hand. As long as it helped her, it didn't matter to me.  
„Please don't go.“  
„No, and if I go, then only to the toilet.“  
„Leo left and Mom and Dad left me and Misha will also leave, I just want one person to stay with me.“  
Another tear ran down her cheek.  
„I'll stay here. I promise.“

 

[next morning, vani's point of view]  
„Noé? Did I say or do anything stupid?“  
„Mh... I'll quote... 'your ass is quite sexy'... some other embarrassing things... yep, you did.“  
I sat up straightaway and felt warm almost immediately.  
„No, I haven't. I don't say things like this.“  
„Oh well, you've also mentioned that Vincent is hot even though he's blond, but Laurent and Johann are too blond for you.“  
I took the blanket and pulled it over my head.  
I couldn't see him = he wasn't there.  
Now I slowly began remembering everything I said.  
And I wanted to die.

 

[ok, Domi's point of view, she found an old archiviste book in the forbidden library and the last pages were free. Votbm used it as a diary about the war and her teenage and vampire transformation problems xD I don't know if I'm going to translate domi's comments because it's basically is this noés mom???? Or maybe aunt??? Does someone know her?? And u already know that she was ruthven x teacher x her so yeah xD I'm crying hello ao3 I translated that for a friend and he knows that it's ruthven x teacher x votbm so yes]

'I found this book in the library. I just shouldn't wonder about the old books in Hogwarts. What was wrong with my ancestors though? I decided to take this as a diary. Because that's a more special diary. Ok, I won't use it as a diary like most teenagers do. I'm not like the others, I don't care about boys – ok, ok, I do, but not that much. I want this book to be about the war. If Voldemort (why should I be afraid of a goddamn name?) wins, this will be proof that he is wrong. I cast a spell on this that people who cast one of the three forbidden curses can't read it anymore so it won't get into the wrong hands. I have three very good friends [vanis mom, teacher, ruthven] who help me hiding this book. I don't want to write their names because someone may kill them for that. I'm afraid. The thought that I could die every night makes me go crazy. But not as much as the change I'm going through.  
I don't remember being bitten. I still feel awake at day, but I barely sleep. It's practical that no one is in my room. It's super great I'm not in a room with Pansy Parkinson [I dropped a bad joke here because 'Pansen' means cow stomach in german xD], I hate her. Draco here, Draco there, it sucks.  
But yes, that's not what this is about. My teeth begin hurting when I smell blood. I'm afraid. I don't want to become a vampire. I don't want to accidentally hurt or even kill my friends. I know that not everyone will survive the war. What, if I become immortal? I don't want to see everyone die. I should end it, but I knew I'd hurt them.'  
I turned the page and leant against a tree.  
Holy shit. If this had been Noé's mother, I was really pitying her.  
(short unnecessary paragraph)  
Then I looked at the page. It was full of blood. She really was a vampire. In the right corner on the bottom of the page was a small 'I want to die'. [yes, yes extra for vani's I want to die every day before falling aslepp because I headcanon them to be similar!!]  
Suddenly someone snapped the book out of my hands and I looked up in shock.  
„Dominique de Sade. This is the forbidden forest. Your family always went there to hide their secrets.“  
I was looking into a grey eye, the other one was covered.  
„Ruthven. Beautiful weather, don't you think?“  
[they are then talking about noé and that domi wants to find his parents and ruthven is like hnnnng no you don't if his parents were alive they probably hated him because they didn't find him, so she should staaahp but Domi is like naaaah]

 

[I just killed off Mina and everyone is forced to stay in their rooms, Vani and Noé are laying in one bed because noé is having a panic attack, noés point of view]

„We have identified the person. Mina Dubois [which means from the forest, nailed it xD], she was a Slytherin and pretty well-known for bombing up a classroom in year one.“  
Vanitas put a hand on my arm but I couldn't feel it.  
I felt nothing.  
I didn't hear anything but dissociating noise in my head and grandpas voice.  
„We want to have one minute of silence for an innocent student.“  
For the first seconds I was doing and thinking nothing but a constant 'no' was inside of my head.  
No, not Mina, the girl I grew up with.  
Domi, I had to go to Domi.  
My lower lip began trembling and then I broke Hogwarts' silence with an ugly sob.  
Vani pulled me closer and I rolled up against her, trying to feel warmth because everything was so cold.  
I put a leg over hers to make her stay. I couldn't lose another person.  
She was slowly rocking me back and forth like a baby.  
The next moment, the door opened and Jeanne stepped in, carrying Domi who looked really, really bad.  
Vanitas forced herself out of my grasp and I stood up, walking over to Domi who immediately broke down into my arms. Why was it so unfair?

 

[they're going to that mirror, in german it was Nerhegeb. That mirror which shows your deepest desires. Jeanne sees herself with domi because i want to destroy her, domi sees herself with noé, because I want to destroy her even more, Noé sees Louis and Vanitas herself but I'll only write her, vanitas pov]

„Shall I go with you?“, Jeanne asked me and I nodded. I couldn't do this alone.  
Jeanne took me by the shoulder and I laid my arm around her so I wouldn't break down.  
We walked nearer and I could already see me.  
She pulled me nearer and I couldn't look away because in this moment, I was happy.  
I was smaller than at the moment, which made sense because girls usually were smaller than boys. My hair was smoother and a little curlier. My skin was clearer somehow.  
I didn't really have breasts and curves overall, but I've always been skinny. And things like this didn't really matter to me. I've always known I wouldn't be curvy.  
That was me. That was really me.  
Noé walked to me and smiled.  
And then I realized that this was only the mirror. Not the real me.  
I was here and I was in a wrong body.  
My knees began buckling and then I fell to the floor. I couldn't do this any longer. I just wanted to be me.  
I didn't want to wait any longer. I just wanted to be happy.  
Noé kneeled down next to me and pulled me towards him. I began crying and pressing myself into him, so that I could feel him and didn't have to feel me anymore.  
I called him a friend by now. And I should tell him that I wasn't a boy, but I thought he already kind of knew.  
I didn't want to live one more day in this body.  
A sob escaped my throat before I could force it back in.  
He laid his arms onto my back and pulled me nearer.  
„I can't do this anymore!“, I cried out, I didn't even know that I wanted to say this.  
There was another hand on my back. It was Domi's.  
„You can do that“, Noé whispered, „I know this. One day, it will come true.“  
I was trembling.  
„But I can't do this anymore. I can't“, I pressed out, this time it wasn't a scream, it was just an exhausted exhale.  
„Ey, now stop that shit“, Domi said, but she spoke softer than normal.  
And the first time in my life I felt as if I wasn't alone. (the chapter is longer but I really liked that sentence and the rest is just inner monologue of Vani thinking about joining a Noé and a Gilbert fanclub xDDD)

 

[it's that kinda ball at the end of the year now and Domi is somehow dancing with Dante while Jeanne is getting drunk xD Vanitas and Noé are dancing now, vanitas pov]

„What on earth is love?“  
I immediately stood still and Noé reacted too slowly, so he stepped onto my foot.  
„Ouch!“, I cried out and he mumbled an apologize.  
„I've already told you, I don't know anything about it. There's a difference in being in love and loving someone, so much even I know. I've never loved someone. I've only been in love.“  
He let go of me. Finally. I didn't like having someone near me. At least not always.  
„Can you at least explain to me how being in love feels? I want to know why everyone tells me it's wonderful.“  
I shook my head.  
„It only is when you're loved back. Otherwise it just hurts.“  
In that moment I saw Eliot and Leo. They were dancing with each other too and if we were in a cartoon, they would have heart eyes.  
„Ask them. I'm sure they know it.“  
Noé looked at me as if I had the best idea in centuries.  
He jumped towards them and I slowly followed him. Eliot and Leo stopped dancing, but they were still holding hands.  
„Hey, Vanitas said, you could help me!“  
I really had to hold back my laughter. And that was terribly hard.  
Leo slowly nodded, completely in confusion.  
„What is love? And what does being in love mean? And what's the difference? I don't understand!“  
In the next moment, Eliot, Leo and I broke out into laughter. That was too weird.  
When we calmed down a little, Eliot pointed at me.  
„Look. That's love. Vanitas loves you.“  
In one second I had walked over to Eliot and slapped him hard on the back.  
Noé was looking at me in shock.  
„Goddamnit, no, Noé, I don't. Really, I don't. Elly“, I emphasized his hated nickname, „just wants to pick on me.“  
Noé seemingly relaxed.  
How much I hated Eliot sometimes.  
Now, Leo began seriously explaining it.  
„Ok... so, being in love is more physical. Your heart begins to race. And you may begin trembling. You feel warm when you see the person you're in love with. But that's different for everyone.“  
Noé nodded as if he understood. A moment later he asked:  
„And how to tell the difference between being in love and having a cold?“


End file.
